Packing, and How This All Came About.

April 19
Since April 4, when I think I made the decision to go to Spain, there has been lots of time to think about how I wound up here, packing to leave in one week. Now I can share some of the details of this process... Some influences that have bearing on my present state include: my own journey of letting go of what isn't really me, the 'law of attraction', and internet dating.
For the 'letting go' part, in what has been my daily morning (therapy) walk with apartment manager/dog-walker friend Sharon, a popular topic for discussion is how much of what we are doing, every day, is really only some kind of distraction from what we really want to be doing? Earlier on in life, when there are kids to feed, it is easier to rationalize working activities as being necessary to make money, to feed the family. But when its just us, then what? Security in old age? Sounds good, but what does that really mean? And when do you actually achieve it?
I love the little saying that got emailed around a lot a few months back, something about choosing between quietly and calmly easing into the last stage of life (death) or coming flying around the corner, hair all askew, saying, 'whew, what a ride'. Are we guided by fear- or by a love of life? I had a lot of fears to let go of, and the biggest fears were about my own right to really enjoy myself.
I had been working on (yet another) career in counseling, finished the masters degree, and was looking at three years or so of internship. It just wasn't looking joyful. The school part was ok, fun for me, actually, but an internship for several reasons was a sticky place to even approach. Looking at why, I realized that the long term commitment meant not very much travel time. Or time and energy for more creative pursuits like writing, or art. It felt wrong. But I felt selfish about not doing it.
I talked to people I respected, and did an NLP process that is just for decision making, and finally got it, my plans for the future were what I thought I 'should' be doing, what I 'ought' to do, but not about me, what I wanted.
The 'law of attraction' part is something I acquired by association. I have been coaching another NLP course over the winter, to keep myself in tune with those skills, and got more out of doing it that I expected. NLP deeply incorporates the concepts of the 'law of attraction' in the presuppositions that it is based on. The everyday accountability of living with a knowledge that we are fully responsible for how our lives are working can be hard lessons, but it is sinking in. Learning to think in terms of the life you intend (with intentionality) is most empowering. For a long time, the very question, what do you really want, would put my brain in some kind of jammed up place. But bit by bit, I have tracked down a picture (yes, I am very visual).
In that picture was travel, of course. Europe, more specifically. Also writing, painting, and not being in a hurry. Also a partner to do these things with. I will get back to that in a bit.
The third influence has been computer dating. I admit it, I did this off and on for years, and the net result has been a lot of 'coffee dates', and a few really good friends. And a lot of learning about myself. Most of it comes back to what it is I really want. Surprise surprise.
SO- back to now, the story behind the Spanish adventure.
As soon as I was clear that I was not continuing with the counseling track, my thoughts turned to travel. It's been almost two years since my last great adventure, and the world was calling my name! I went to my favorite site, helpx.net, and looked around; Greece, Italy, Spain? I sent out a few inquiries, and then looked in the 'companions' section, and update my profile. I wrote to a woman who was touring some of Europe in a motor-home, seeking more information.
The next day, I got a response, thinking it was from her, but no, it was from a man in Spain looking for someone to travel with him. I was a bit reticent. I have a few iffy experiences with male travel companions- nothing to be afraid of, mind you- just personality issues (I plan to eventually post my China and Italy journals on this site, and they have all the details).
I wrote back, and we started an email conversation about expectations, plans, and who are you? My long experience with computer dating helped me in that I was not shy about asking important questions, and being authentic about myself. I thought I would scare him away. Nope. We sent a lot of pictures back and forth, and within a few days I couldn't ignore the burning question, WHY NOT? He is planning to tour all the places I wanted to see. He is retired, my age, he writes, and wanted me to share a writing project. He wants to support my painting by giving me time to stop and paint anything that I want. (He even bought a set of used oil paints at a 'boot sale' (yard sale on this side of the pond) just for me. He loves to talk about history, philosophy, ideas, like I do. He has been polite and thoughtful, suggesting that I need a day to sleep upon arrival, and that he would help me get to the hostel. That too is his suggestion, that I stay at a hostel for a few days while we get to know each other.
Well, I wasn't looking for a date! Over two weeks of daily emails, we have sort of established that while romance is on his mind, the real bottom line is to have a great time and explore together, and I trust that. He sent photographs of his (sizable) motor home, with license plates for my daughter should she feel a need to have him tracked down.
I alternate between excitement, doubts, and the usual stress of remembering what needs to be remembered to be done before I leave, planning for four months. My daughter is unwaveringly supportive, as she has been on past leaps, while family, friends and neighbors vary from incredulity (how could you?) to jealousy. Good friend Naomi intended to talk me out of it, she said, but decided on learning more that I was right. Why not?
So- That is where it is, and I may end up staying in Barcelona for a few weeks and coming back- but I doubt it, and I certainly hope not. I am packing for a summer of adventure, creating, and joy. I will share the ups and downs of it, right here.